Let’s travel back to when the rose was still a bud. What did you imagine your first time would be like? Was the location comfortable? Did he take his time? Was it filled with love, pleasure, and satisfaction?
I loved reading romance books. I really wanted the experience to be with the right person. I wanted the setting and pace to be right. I believed the right person would be patient with me and understand why I wanted to keep my flower sacred.
I wanted it to be Harlequin. I admit it.
Once I got out of my head, I observed my surroundings.
Most of my friends had already had sex years before me. Most of them said it was pleasurable. At first, I was just listening in, content with living sexual escapades through them. Yet, soon, I was getting asked to chime in. Although I am a writer, it didn’t feel like I had to lie to my friends about how much action I was getting. Then, every other day, it was like, “When are you going to go ahead and do it?”
If that wasn’t bad enough, the guy I was seeing at the time was starting to put pressure on me. I was a bit baffled as to why. I told him that I was a virgin. Maybe that was where I screwed up.
Harlequin took a back seat to a dark corner and splintered wood. Passion was swallowed by fear and dread. Comfort was ripped apart by pain.
My flower tarnished by bullshit.
Cue Other Carnival Acts (excerpt):
Comfort took a back seat
To his eagerness to Conquer.
And the great outdoors
Became a lover’s
Were the makeshift cushion,
Pushing at my skin
Until my flesh gave way.
I went to another place
As grubby hands
Tugged denim and cotton
All at once
And the sound of unzipped pants
Kissed my ears.
Latex met my sex
With the grace
Of a blundering fool,
And my eyes darkened
In fury and pain.
I’m not going to say, “Wait until marriage.” But have this act be with someone that you really want to be intimate with. Don’t let pressure from the outside dictate your decision. It is a very important step; you cannot take back your very first time. Even going celibate for a long time isn’t the same as when you’ve first had your virginity.
Sex is supposed to be art. It’s supposed to feel exhilarating. Don’t cheapen it into something it’s not. The cheapening of sexual acts is one of the main reason outsiders feel as if they have the right to deem sex worse than violence. It’s natural to have these urges; they were given to us. Don’t let your first time and any of the times afterwards be a carnival act.
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